✨Have Courage & be Kind✨

Its yo girl, back to do some much needed writing down of her feelings.

I’ve had a few people popping up from a few months back and I’m??? Like, can y'all be anymore nosey? I was never important to you, or you’d have stayed like you said you were going to. Yes, I am struggling a little lately. No, it doesn’t have anything to do with my break up. Funnily enough? My whole life doesn’t revolve around it, I was literally over it like 3 weeks after it happened. I’ve moved the fuck on and so should you.

I’m drinking a worrying amount lately, like I’ve had actual liver pains from it but I really can’t bring myself to care enough to stop. I’m having fun with people that give a shit about me, a point they proved after trying to start a fight with someone I didn’t want to see. They’ve been amazing and we’ve all been messes together and I couldn’t wish for better people to have around me.

I’m doing stupid shit because I’m apprently taking this whole ‘winging it’ thing a little to far but fuck it, I’ll deal with the consequences later. Like, thats a problem for future me to deal with. Overall, while I’ve had my moments of struggling, I’ve still had way more ups and thats what I’m going to focus on. I’m really working on myself, and my friends described it as a transition time so I can’t wait to see where all this will get me. I really feel like I’m growing into a new me, and so far Im loving her. Shes way more social, happier, maybe a little impulsive but it makes some right funny situations.

Im conclusion; While I’ve had some shit momemts, and I’m defenitely drinking too much, I feel much happier for it and I’m really liking who Im turning out to be.

So, I’ve more or less completely moved over to itstime-tohajima as my main blog now and figured mayne I’d just keep this one for life updates or a space I can use if I need to write my feelings down. So, here we go;

Heres a big one, I’m single now. Shock and horror right? Or atleast thats what everyone seems to be reacting with when they find out. Listen, my dudes, just because I seemed happy doesn’t mean I was. I was a mess. So much was wrong, and I’m not one to post it all over my facebook and instagram so ofcourse you wouldn’t know. Please stop asking me if it was a mutual choice, I don’t see where its your business and its not something I want to discuss with every relative/friend/nosey bastard going. Short version? I woke up one morning and decided I was sick of feeling second to everyone, sick of feeling like I was tip toeing on eggshells just to avoid another arguement or have him snap at me for the smallest thing. It just stopped working and it just stopped being a healthy relationship.

Some positive things; I may have lost a few friends along they way but I’m happier for it. I literally miss two or three people and the rest can literally go get fucked. Theres so much I could say but I’ll keep it short. You were toxic and two faced and I don’t need people like that. This was meant to be a positive and it still is! I’ve met people so much better for me. Words can’t describe how amazing they truly are. We met through liking kpop and it grew from there. I went to my first korean concert with the one I’d known the longest and it was the best experience I’ve had concert wise. The rest are just as amazing, even if we haven’t met yet and I can’t wait for that to finally happen!

Kpop is one of the biggest positives of this year. I’ve met so many amazing mutuals through it who are all lovely and the actual music itself has helped me through a lot. I truely get overwhelmed by just how much I can love something. An obsession? Maybe. I mean, the first time I cried this year was literally over a video of my ult bias laughing. But gfd does it make me happy. To those that made fun of my kpop obsession while we were friends; basically, get fucked.

A few more positives that I’ll storm through. I lost weight woo! Something I’d been wanting to do for ages.

I’ve grown as a person. I laugh so much more now and it doesn’t feel fake anymore. For the first time in years I truly feel happy and its such a freeing feeling.

I literally woke up one day and decided I was sick of feeling upset and sad and I literally just?? Stopped?? Which gives me hope that

I’m finally getting a hold on my emotions after fighting against bpd for gods knows how long.

I’m dressing however the fuck I want and not feeling judged. And its amazing. It is a weird combo of rap line kpop idol/wanna be edgy teen/repressed emo/roadman occasionally? But I’m living for it.

Thats about it. I’m sure I’ll have more to say at somepoint but thats everything I needed to get off my chest. And again, my main blog is now https://itstime-tohajima.tumblr.com
Give it a follow or don’t. Its where I do all my fangirling amd such. Thanks for listening? Reading? Whatever~✌💖

gentle-reminder:

‪it can be tough to meet new people, and if you find yourself in that situation, please know that you are not making a fool of yourself; just try your best, take deep breaths, and be the most you that you are able to be‬